Author Archive for Zack Hammond

Riot

Posted 05/02/15 by Zack Hammond and filed under:

I’m a fan of riots…even if it were to happen in the area I live in.  I would join in and have fun with it.  Why not?  First of all, no one is going to try and stop thousands of people from destroying an area.  No one is brave enough to tell thousands of people to stop.  So you have that going for you…the bystander effect in full force.  Also, sometimes you just need to relieve some stress, and what better way do you do that, than by flipping over a Ford Focus and lighting it on fire.  You will feel that shit day at work and your nagging kids, melt right off of you.  And, it can do wonders for your self esteem too.  Think about how good someone feels, chucking a trashcan through a store front with 50 people patting them on the back and telling them, “good job.  That was awesome!”

Riots are fun and necessary, in order for our culture to survive.  You need these things to happen for shit not to go sideways all the time.  Black Friday, Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, Saint Patricks Day…Philly losing something?  All those days are built into society, and allow people to go ape shit, and get away with it.  You kill someone on Black Friday so you get the latest, “Tickle me Jerry” Penn State doll, no problem.  Rape, kill or disfigure on Mardi Gras, or the Mayo or Patty’s day…one hell of a party.

So far as Baltimore goes, people can say they just looked for a reason to riot, or they’re just fighting for a dead criminal.  That’s all short sighted and there is more going on here than people want to admit.  Yes, riots and and going crazy every once in a while is needed, and I stand by it to keep society in place. Stuff like this though is a boiling over of a social issue that we all refuse to acknowledge.   And the longer it goes, the worse it is going to get…so, either fix it, or suffer the consequences.

There shouldn’t be bad cops.  Period, end of sentence.  If there is even a hint of an officer being corrupt they need to be removed and made an example out of.  If people that serve and protect the country are not held to a higher standard, expect more Baltimores.

Professional

Posted 04/04/15 by Zack Hammond and filed under:

I don’t consider myself an artist…that’s not up to me to decide.  I’m a comedian…I tell jokes to strangers and I get paid to do it, and that’s as far as I’m willing to go in labeling myself.  However, in not declaring myself an artist, I do understand that I have stepped into the art world.  I hang out with musicians, my wife is an artist (in that she is amazing at pen and ink drawing…I’ll upload some of her stuff if she lets me) poets…all these people are in the art field, trying to find their voice and the direction they want to go in, to show the world who they are through their art, and I respect most of them.

I don’t respect assholes who don’t care about the art.  Some hack fuck making simple jokes about race, or taking jokes off the internet and presenting them like they came up with them.

Asshole bands who do generic music…you know, the shit stuff they’ll play on the radio without listening to the entire song?  That shit, poppy, sing song, make you feel good…shit!

Poets, who play the victim.  The sad faggy, everyone knows you’re a poet, poet.

Artists who have gotten to the point, where they smear paint on a canvas and spent the rest of the day find fleshlights that fit them.

All of those people in the art world, I hate.  Fuck them and their families, and all future generations.  You are whats wrong with everything.  Not just society, but everything.  You are stereotypes.

Art is one of the things that helps society progress, and you all are impeding that, and I would like you to stop.  Just for 10 years.  After that amount of time there will be enough new shit artists that you all can go fuck yourselves and die.

 

Comedy

Posted 03/28/15 by Zack Hammond and filed under:

Stand-up comedy is one of those few things, that allows a performer to express themselves in the most raw form possible.  If i hate something, I say I hate it.  If I don’t agree with something I say I don’t agree and I attach a “haha” to it and I have made a joke.  It’s not that simple, but for the purpose of my explanation, it works…for now.

I never truly knew what I wanted to do with my life until freshman year of college.  I was an accounting major, and hating it.  I didn’t want that to be my life; crunching numbers and doing some dipshits taxes, and trying to figure out if his golf clubs count as a write off, because he plays a lot.  If I remained an accounting major, this blog, would be written while on my 30 min computer time, waiting for my next parole hearing.  I assume I would have killed a few people.  I’m not meant to be sitting at a desk and doing, what I think is, useless.

Luckily I found out I had a knack for being funny.  An English professor turned me on to creative writing and I eventually found the path of stand-up…the long, depressing, some times no light at the end of the tunnel path to stand-up.  I couldn’t be happier with this either.  It’s a strange way to want to live your life; performing in front of strangers, and telling them your darkest fears and thoughts for the hope of getting a chuckle out of them is not for everyone. But it is for me and I wouldn’t want anything else.

I love constructing jokes and the thrill of discovering new bits.  Digging around my consciousness and remembering everything that lead up to right now, can all be used for material.  Some crippled bitch telling me I’m appalling, is being prepped and turned into a bit.  Nasty private messages from people who can’t take a joke, is now a joke.  Conversations, beliefs, opinions, philosophy, religion, death, politics, race, war etc… it’s all comedy to me and there to be examined and turned into something, for you.  That’s my goal.  Take my life and me and put it out there for those of you who like me and want to hear it, and I know nothing about you.

Comedy is the avenue that lets me be me…and allows for me to be accepted in the way I want to be.  I just have to be funny and whatever is say is acceptable, and that’s the only rule I have to follow on stage.  Is it funny?  Let it fly.  The ultimate form of freedom for me, is comedy.

 

Thanks for reading and keep checking in.  I’ll have more blogs and shows and pictures and poor writing structure and such for you to enjoy.

Thank You

Posted 03/17/15 by Zack Hammond and filed under:

Thank you for coming to my, work in progress, website. I can’t explain how much I appreciate strangers coming here to see what I have to offer…which, as you can see, is very slim. I will, however, be updating this site on a daily basis, to provide my fans (used loosely) with the best content I can provide. Sets and pictures from my early days will be uploaded; as well as the evolution of bits as well, to show how a comic builds a set. A podcast will be coming soon as well. Also, because I think it’s fun to show how much of a dip shit I was, I will also post old photos of me looking like a dirty hippy when I first started doing comedy. Please enjoy the website and all the content that’s available now, and get ready for a lot more.

Thanks

Zack